Last week, I together with two of my roommates (Gehpot, Cheq) and another friend (Judy) visited Gabbi* and brought along strawberry ice cream. I never thought that my heart would be marred that Wednesday night.
First, Gabbi did not like my brown turtle neck blouse. When I showed a picture taken earlier that night with Cheq, she said I was not pretty because of the blouse I was wearing. I remember that she was used to seeing me with blouses having bright, happy colors and prints. Her favorite colors are orange and pink. Because of this, she rarely talked and played with me.
Second, since that was the only time she saw her other Titas, she was more excited to play and talk with them. As such, I did not get any hug from her that night.
Third, the ice cream we brought along only had her attention for a second as she was more interested to play with the Titas. Remembering my (with Tita Gehpot) last visit to Gabbi almost a month ago, she hugged me so tightly when I asked her if she liked ice cream. I mentioned all the ice cream flavors I know and she beamingly answered that she liked them all. Yet, she only ate a spoonful of ice cream during that night.
Yes, my heart was broken that night but I understand that she is just a child and that is the way they are. I still love her despite that night and I will continue to visit her.
After the Sunday service and a small talk with friends, one friend prayed Psalm 131:2 for me “But I have stilled my heart and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me”.
It dawned on me that perhaps we are really like a child before God, our Father. Relating that Wednesday night with Gabbi, we have the tendency to only draw near to God and walk with Him when things are bright, when we have victories and successes and when things are going our way. However, when things are dull and dark, when we are faced with though times, we have the tendency to turn away from God.
Like a child, we also have the tendency to get distracted with new things. Oftentimes, wealth, careers, and relationships can easily take away our focus on God.
Lastly, like a child, we sometimes have a short memory for what we ask from Him, thus failing to thank Him and enjoy the gifts He has given us. As my leader said in one of our small group session, “The reason why it takes time for our prayers to get answered is because God wants to prepare our hearts. He does not want us to be overwhelmed with those blessings, He wants us to be ready to handle them so that we will fully enjoy His gifts”.
I am a child. I have caused God so many heartbreaks. However, like a parent He is always there running after me, embracing me and loving me unconditionally.
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*Gabbi is a four-year old little girl who used to be our neighbor at Cityland. She is cute, witty, adorable and smart. You may read more about her at www.ellinepaz.blogspot.com, www.ellinepaz.multiply.com (The Night We Met Gabbi)
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